yom kippur night of sin

Shortly before my trip to Alaska with my mom in mid august of 2009, I was chatting with my friend Jack (we met on a dating site) who coincidentally, I've worked with in my business. He was also appalled at J's behavior--- He is married and he and his wife have dabbled a bit with swinging, but I wouldn't call them, "lifestylers". He was just as sympathetic and supportive as Geoff and Steve were and he told me to give it a month.

Well, now, it was 7 weeks later, and Dee had, had her 40th birthday and her romantic trip to Italy and I had given J dozens of chances to come around and be the "good guy" he claimed to be... but it was all for naught. This just wasn't right, but neither was doing nothing, and I had finally decided, with the help of my friends, that it was the "better choice" to let Dee in on the dirty-not-so-little-secret of her "domestically partnered husband" (yep  folks, that's what she calls him. WTF?) I just kept envisioning that poor woman-- many years down the road-- sick from some horrible disease, no children--- Alone. It just wasn't fair. It wasn't right. No, I could not make it right, but I could open up her eyes to the truth. Someone had to. He certainly wasn't going to do that. He doesn't give a shit about her or anyone else, but himself. He was just using her too. She gave him respectability, status, (she has great friends, he told me on several occasions) and he needs her half of the rent. He needed her--- the patsy of all patsies... She never asks him where he is going or what he was doing, or who he was with. Where on earth would he find another woman with all of those qualifications to be a sex addict's partner? And in a pinch--- he could resort to having sex with her...

I imagined her finally free from the chains of bondage with this hopeless deviant she was shacked up with and then I "saw" this other man-- tall, handsome, madly in love with her, catering to her every whim-- after all, she was now in a delicate condition-- expecting TWINS--- and absolutely glowing with love and life!

Yes, there was no more time to spare... This was absolutely the right decision!

Now, make no mistake about it, my motives were not completely altruistic. I was still so angry with J (predator) for using me as he did. I don't care what the situation is... married, co-habitating, single, affair, swinger, fuck buddy-- whatever, there is simply no excuse to treat a person that you have a close and loving relationship with, in the manner that he did me.

So, this was definitely my fuck you to him, as well... I had read a lot about sex addiction already, and I realized that the more pathological ones stood only the slimmest chance of recovering-- from the simple standpoint, that they don't believe that there's ANYTHING to recover from! It was all so carefully spelled out in his IM to Ali from April... His "revelation" (how boringly unoriginal) that men are "programmed" to have many, many women. He simply cannot help it. Its merely nature. ugh.

(Never mind... and I can say this now... The dude is spreading around dozens of variations of Human Papillomavirus. I didn't have it in 2008, but I sure as heck do now... and I have several strains of the kind that can cause cervical cancer... Folks out there who are living with sex addicts or ARE sex addicts. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS DISEASE FREE. If you have multiple partners-- even IF you use a condom, you almost definitely have this potentially dangerous and incurable STD.)

Yes, I knew before her REAL prince would show up who would impregnate her with twins (2 angels, of course) that she was going to have to go through some really nasty shit, but that on the other side, life was definitely going to be for the better, for her. Much better. Maybe it would be for him too. She was strong, she'd get past this  annihilating discovery. I knew that when she caught her breath, I was wagering that she would be a good little co-dependent partner and stand by him and maybe he'd get some help and hopefully, she would too and maybe, just maybe the cycle of destruction would end--- or maybe she would just (accidentally) push him in front of an M10 bus. oops.

I was doing a mitzvah, as my people would say.

But the question was... How exactly was I to go about doing the dirty deed? I had what I was pretty sure was her current email addie and I decided to write a straight forward message as the "friend" (who wished to remain anonymous) that had seen J many months earlier on Lava Life. I would use the "Ali instant messages" and the "Kim emails." I decided not to send her the 40 or so porno pics I was in possession of which showed J having sex with at least 8 or 9 different women. The idea was to inform her, not decimate her.

I composed everything the evening before and sent it in the morning, so that she would at least be seeing it refreshed from a night's sleep. I really was trying to make this as easy on her as possible.

So, on the morning of September 29th, 2009--

Dee Ceived's D-Day had come. She opened up her email and this is what she found...


From:  Kim Richardson
To: Dee Ceived
Sent: Tuesday, September 29, 2009 8:50:10 AM
Subject: private info about JB

Dear Dee,

I am writing you incognito because I am a friend of yours who's been living with a very dark secret for many many months now and I simply cannot do so any longer. I have struggled with this knowledge since last February and then again, last May and yet again, this past summer. I wanted to wait until you were back from Italy and also not ruin your birthday. I have no ulterior motive, other than to convey to you, the truth that is your right to know.

It is about your JB.

I discovered him last February on a sex site called Lava Life. He actually had his photograph posted at that time, for all the world to see. He was looking for casual NSA sex - very obviously. I chatted with him and chewed him out and then he took the profile down. I could tell from his response, that you did not know what he was up to and he also portrays himself as being single. Then, several weeks later, to my utter shock, I found him on there, yet again!! (sans photo, but the words were almost the same) This time, I opened up a phony profile on there and then a phony email address and "befriended" him as a woman named "Ali" and got him on IM and I have those transcripts which I will be sending you in a subsequent email; I also have a plethora of other IMs, emails, pornographic photographs, from various web sites, etc. but I do not want to upset you unduly, so I will only send those if you would like to have further proof of his activities. He swore to me that he would stop, but he simply cannot. He wrote to a woman at this very address (me, obviously) who advertised on Craig's List.

He has also been seen on several other sex sites with pornographic photos of himself, alone and with several other women in overt sexual acts. I even found one site with films and a very attractive woman who's face is quite visible performing fellatio on him and also vaginal sex. He has also advertised extensively on Craig's List with some partner that he shows, also performing fellatio, and Dee, I'm almost positive the pics were taken in your apartment!!!! He is also actively looking for sexual partners on Craig's List. A friend of mine placed some ads to bait him and he answered them. I have transcripts from emails with people he has contacted and also some IM messages. I can also give you more info about which sites he has been seen on, etc.

Dee, I do not want to conjecture the exact extent of his activities (although, I have reason to believe its pretty extensive) or editorialize my personal feelings, (although, I am struggling to rein in the amount of rage I am feeling that someone who claims to love you, could behave in such a disgusting manner, and believe me, I am anything but a prude) and am trying to just stick to the facts as they have presented themselves to me. Obviously, whatever I am sharing with you, is simply a tiny sampling of what he has been up to for a very long time.

You know J better than anyone, but as he has presented himself, he is a pathological liar and will most likely try to make you think that none of this is true, or minimize it somehow, or that someone is out to get him, or that some crazy woman is stalking him. None of that is true. He is a sexually addicted man who knows no limits. I also have also seen in some of his pics, that he is having unprotected sex, so I also fear for your health.

I couldn't care less about him, but I care about you deeply, my friend. I want you to be well and strong and most of all, to have the happiness that you so richly deserve.

In closing--- Dee, do not act rashly or without a good plan for yourself. He is very cunning, but quite honestly, you are a lot smarter. I am here for you, if you want to write me back. I have a wealth of information that could help you, as I understand the ins and outs (oh-- horrible pun) of these sex sites. You deserve so much better. I don't know, maybe if you really love him, he can be helped. I don't know.

 
***

And then, I sent her this  and just keep reading all of the posts about "my affair with predator, for the rest of the IMs and emails, and that's what I sent.

It was a really weird feeling. I was kinda numb, a bit worried, doubting myself... No one wins here...

The next morning, I checked and lo and behold, all of J's profiles were down--- except the little fucker left the porno films up on swapper net and so, I felt compelled to send her just one more message...

Date: Wed, 30 Sep 2009 09:11:16 -0700
From: Kim Richardson
Subject: update
To: dee Ceived

Dear Dee,

Alright, I can see the evidence that you received my emails. Hun, as I said, he is very cunning, and took down some profiles (which I have saved, anyway, including ALL of the pics - ), but on at least one of them, he removed his photos and left the porno films!!!! Has he no remorse at all? I feel sorry for that poor woman, too, whoever she is as her face is clearly exposed on one of them.

The way that I found out all of this is that I have a friend who's a PI, who has been very helpful. Together, we put up bait profiles all over Craig's List, so I think he is off of there. But, this won't stop him. He probably needs rehab, like David Dukovny had. Beware, like an alcoholic, he will try to minimize all of it, with comments like, he never actually met anyone, or it was just a few times cause he was bored. Stuff like that. Don't fall for it.

I want you to know, that I feel anything but good or superior; my heart aches for you as you are one of the sweetest, dearest people that I have had the privilege to know. This is not a contest, but simply your right for you to have the facts, so that you can move forward with your life as you see fit. My goal and hope is that ultimately you will be safe, fulfilled and happy. I am sending you all the strength and love that I can possibly muster.


I sent this off and then I went to my ballet class--- and yeah, I know, its barfy bad and Kareeeeeepy as hell.

And when I came home--- OMG!!!!!!!!!! I had a message from her!

From: Dee Ceived
To: Kim Richardson
Sent: Wednesday, September 30, 2009 11:33:39 AM
Subject: RE: update

In many ways I feel I owe you an enormous debt of gratitude. but for now please stop e-mailing me. You do realize how unspeakably painful this is?

With you continual details, I simply can no longer function. We are dealing with it. Please stop and know that I am a very strong person who will eventually do right by myself.

Dee

PS I think i know who you are; please don't call me for a while.
 
She didn't know who I was-- She thought that I was this crazy friend of hers who used to call her all the time. It was one of the many, many things that J had shared with me... I felt a sense of vindication when I read this though... As I thought, Dee seemed to be a very lovely woman; she would be alright.

Of course, she thought that she was communicating with a friend-- not someone who had actually been intimate with HER JB.

In the days following, I tried reaching out to J, once or twice...but everything had gone dead.

I longed for any little bit of news I could find--- I stalked a couple of her friends on fakebook, but nothing...

And then nine days later, I realized that I WAS supposed to be a friend and I used that as an excuse to check up on her...