just have to get that bad taste outta my mouth

ugh...

and the worst of it, is that I PUT UP WITH THIS. WHY do we do this??? Why did *I* do it?

Is it that we just focus on the good parts and hope that the bad parts go away? They didn't... They only got worse...

After that email exchange, I had to take Adam shopping and J rarely ever called me, but we were in the middle of Target, shoe shopping, when J called me up... now LIVID and screaming in my ear in the middle of the store...

Actually, of course, this incident was really the beginning of the end which took about 7 more weeks to finally happen... and even then, I didn't really want to go... Now, while all of this was going on, I had developed some very nice men as online-friends that I weren't particularly attracted to. I had dated all of them once or twice as follows:

Geoff-- 46, lives slightly upstate, Part-time Broadway techie (took me to see Wicked!) in a completely open swinger marriage--- Bi-curious, but totally in love and devoted to his wife who knew ALL about me--- He referred to himself as an "ethical slut". LOL  Has two kids---One with AD/HD and a girl with juvenile Bi-Polar disorder. (nasty stuff) We often chatted about our dysfunctional kids. Really great great guy who I admire immensely. Has gone back to college to become a nurse/practitioner. Gets off on watching his wife get ready for a date---with another man! :))

John--41, Hispanic street-wise photographer-- (INCREDIBLY TALENTED) Lives in Queens in a "don't ask don't tell" relationship with a partner (never told me her name--as it should be) and has a grade school aged son--- We shared a lot of great convos online. just non-monogamous and so is his partner, and something else... He generally only saw one or at most two women at a time, and totally LOVED his partners. His current girlfriend had been with J one time. No shit.

Mike--43, Homie dude (!)--- As in lives only Seven miles away and kids in the same school district--- Married with 2 kids--convicted felon, (white collar crime) got a job managing THREE sex shops (!) Totally fucked up SEX/LOVE ADDICT, (every kind of addict, actually) bi-polar, narcissist and ADMITTED IT FREELY!!! Just one big fucking mess! Bright guy though and always had a kind word for me.

I can't help but like a man who can laugh at himself, no matter how fucked up he is.

Jack--43 Alright, You're gonna love this...He's a CONTRACTOR that I have worked with (for real!!!) and lives in a neighboring town as well, and I met him on AFF. He's exploring swinging with his cute wife that he ADORES and we've given each other business! LOL

And finally:

Steve--36, Architect, lives in Manhattan, went to Wash U and Columbia-- not married, never has been, TOTALLY BI--into NYLON/PANTYHOSE and something called ZENTAI WTF????????  Photographs models in his apartment wearing pantyhose. (very tasteful, though and beautiful pics!)  Always wanted to take me to a fetish club...haha!!! very bright, kind--- HATED J LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE.

All of these men were true friends-- who I am immensely grateful for and still chat with some of them from time to time. They got me through the worst of it.

I'm not finished yet though--- There's more. A lot more. Stay tuned...