My Mom and I moved from Indiana in the summer of '71 to Wisconsin and after two years there, I graduated high school a year early and went to Cali to be with my big sis--- AND, to study ballet that summer, before college which I didn't really want to go to, anyway, because ballerinas don't "need" college-- They just need to DANCE. (but I was to be a ballet major)
Alright... I can't use sis' real name, although I desperately want to because it will make sense later... but if she ever found out that I used her real name, she would make my life even more of a living hell than it already is. (sometimes)
It is Jewish tradition to name babies after a dear recently departed relative and my mother's mother, Miriam had died recently, so even though my sister was born in August, they decided to call her---
Mistletoe.
No, its not really Mistletoe and my grandmother wasn't really Miriam, but my big sister, 9 and 1/2 years older than me, was born in August. Its just that her real name is one that instantaneously conjures up images of Christmas which of course, is in December. But, since I can't use her real name, Mistletoe is the best I could come up with. :)
Sooo...back to the summer of '71... I was 17 and a budding wannabee ballerina (hope y'all have seen Black Swan!) and went to Cali to study ballet with these "people". (although people is a bit of a misnomer--more on that very soon!) I had a place to stay, with my sister, Mistletoe, who was already living in Palo Alto in the second floor of a pretty cool house from the 30s. How did Mistletoe end up in Palo Alto? Well, that's a bit of a long story... but, I have concluded a long time ago, that every being on this planet has either LIVED in Palo Alto, or is intimately acquainted with someone else who HAS lived there, at some point in their life. Its just that transient. And for those that don't know... PA is the home to the extremely elite, Stanford University. I believe that it has some of the best weather on earth which is one reason why so many people flock there, I guess.
I came there in June (1973), to the San Francisco Bay Area as its known and was supposed to leave at the end of August for college, (in UTAH!!!) but ended up staying in Cali. (part of my "wild" ballet story)...
Come December, I discovered that Mistletoe loved Christmas as much as I did (how could she not?) :) and always had felt awful about not being able to have a Christmas tree too!!! So, bonded in sisterly love and years and years of midwestern-we-are-jewish-freaks-deprivation, Mistletoe and I went out and bought our very first, very own CHRISTMAS TREE--- and we didn't call it a fucking Hannukah bush either. nosirreee! This was a Christmas tree and I spent hours and hours making handmade ornaments and these gorgeous sequined felt STOCKINGS-- one for me and one for Mistletoe, and even one for our mom, who was coming to visit. (i was too young to be bitter and vindictive, towards my mom, at that point);) and then we decorated-- and decorated--- stringing popcorn and wrapping lights and paper chains all the way around the tree and the whole apartment was so pretty and heady with the delicious smell of fresh pine and spice. All of this gave me such incredible joy, that the very next year, I did the same exact thing--except this time, without Mistletoe, as she had gone back to college, by then. (to get the 3rd of five, subsequent degrees)
The entire month of December was heaven on earth, for a deprived little Hungarian Jewish girl from Indiana. it really was.
Years later, when I moved to NY and shared an apartment, I did the exercise two more times, but I had a Christian roommate from Missouri, so it made more sense, of course. That was the mid 80's. I was really really poor then, so the decorations were meager, but it didn't matter, the apartment was once again filled with the glorious scent of fresh pine and lights and joy, for weeks.
It always made me incredibly sad--- horrifically depressed, actually, to take it all down, but come mid-January--haha!, the now brown-not-so-fresh needles were falling fast and furiously; its time had come to an end.
I met Sam in the fall of '86 and we married in 1988. Christian was born in 1990 and then we moved out of Manhattan to Whinyentitledton in 1991 to our "starter home", which 19.5 years later, we are still living in, and since we weren't planning on staying all that long, we never finished unpacking. ;)
We moved in June and come December, I said to Sam, quite innocently... "Come, lets go get a Christmas tree this year!"
Honestly, I had no idea. Sam is about as agnostic as they come. He really doesn't give a shit about religion or Jewish traditions or any of that. He calls himself a "cultural Jew" (which I don't even think of myself as) and I really didn't think he would mind getting a little ol' Christmas tree and putting it in our window for the whole world to see, all lit up and all.
Guess what?
He minded.
And not only did he mind... He was LIVID.
Sam is a lot like me in personality. Sarcastic, sharp, biting wit... self-deprecating, most of the time--- tendency towards low self-esteem and sometimes, assertive, irreverent, jaded, but mostly casual, inherently liberal and open-minded about most things and therefore, I had no idea... where this was coming from.
What followed was a torrent of anger that I VERY rarely had or have EVER seen in our 24 year relationship.
It is Jewish tradition to name babies after a dear recently departed relative and my mother's mother, Miriam had died recently, so even though my sister was born in August, they decided to call her---
Mistletoe.
No, its not really Mistletoe and my grandmother wasn't really Miriam, but my big sister, 9 and 1/2 years older than me, was born in August. Its just that her real name is one that instantaneously conjures up images of Christmas which of course, is in December. But, since I can't use her real name, Mistletoe is the best I could come up with. :)
Sooo...back to the summer of '71... I was 17 and a budding wannabee ballerina (hope y'all have seen Black Swan!) and went to Cali to study ballet with these "people". (although people is a bit of a misnomer--more on that very soon!) I had a place to stay, with my sister, Mistletoe, who was already living in Palo Alto in the second floor of a pretty cool house from the 30s. How did Mistletoe end up in Palo Alto? Well, that's a bit of a long story... but, I have concluded a long time ago, that every being on this planet has either LIVED in Palo Alto, or is intimately acquainted with someone else who HAS lived there, at some point in their life. Its just that transient. And for those that don't know... PA is the home to the extremely elite, Stanford University. I believe that it has some of the best weather on earth which is one reason why so many people flock there, I guess.
I came there in June (1973), to the San Francisco Bay Area as its known and was supposed to leave at the end of August for college, (in UTAH!!!) but ended up staying in Cali. (part of my "wild" ballet story)...
Come December, I discovered that Mistletoe loved Christmas as much as I did (how could she not?) :) and always had felt awful about not being able to have a Christmas tree too!!! So, bonded in sisterly love and years and years of midwestern-we-are-jewish-freaks-deprivation, Mistletoe and I went out and bought our very first, very own CHRISTMAS TREE--- and we didn't call it a fucking Hannukah bush either. nosirreee! This was a Christmas tree and I spent hours and hours making handmade ornaments and these gorgeous sequined felt STOCKINGS-- one for me and one for Mistletoe, and even one for our mom, who was coming to visit. (i was too young to be bitter and vindictive, towards my mom, at that point);) and then we decorated-- and decorated--- stringing popcorn and wrapping lights and paper chains all the way around the tree and the whole apartment was so pretty and heady with the delicious smell of fresh pine and spice. All of this gave me such incredible joy, that the very next year, I did the same exact thing--except this time, without Mistletoe, as she had gone back to college, by then. (to get the 3rd of five, subsequent degrees)
The entire month of December was heaven on earth, for a deprived little Hungarian Jewish girl from Indiana. it really was.
Years later, when I moved to NY and shared an apartment, I did the exercise two more times, but I had a Christian roommate from Missouri, so it made more sense, of course. That was the mid 80's. I was really really poor then, so the decorations were meager, but it didn't matter, the apartment was once again filled with the glorious scent of fresh pine and lights and joy, for weeks.
It always made me incredibly sad--- horrifically depressed, actually, to take it all down, but come mid-January--haha!, the now brown-not-so-fresh needles were falling fast and furiously; its time had come to an end.
I met Sam in the fall of '86 and we married in 1988. Christian was born in 1990 and then we moved out of Manhattan to Whinyentitledton in 1991 to our "starter home", which 19.5 years later, we are still living in, and since we weren't planning on staying all that long, we never finished unpacking. ;)
We moved in June and come December, I said to Sam, quite innocently... "Come, lets go get a Christmas tree this year!"
Honestly, I had no idea. Sam is about as agnostic as they come. He really doesn't give a shit about religion or Jewish traditions or any of that. He calls himself a "cultural Jew" (which I don't even think of myself as) and I really didn't think he would mind getting a little ol' Christmas tree and putting it in our window for the whole world to see, all lit up and all.
Guess what?
He minded.
And not only did he mind... He was LIVID.
Sam is a lot like me in personality. Sarcastic, sharp, biting wit... self-deprecating, most of the time--- tendency towards low self-esteem and sometimes, assertive, irreverent, jaded, but mostly casual, inherently liberal and open-minded about most things and therefore, I had no idea... where this was coming from.
What followed was a torrent of anger that I VERY rarely had or have EVER seen in our 24 year relationship.
But, he was ADAMANT that there would NEVER EVER be any kind of FUCKING CHRISTMAS tree in our HOME.
holy crap!!!
That just cannot be... and so, very sweetly, I tried again...
"Sam...It's like this... first we have Halloween... You know pumpkins, candy, cobwebs? And then we have Thanksgiving... Turkeys and stuffing and pumpkin pie and intense gas for days? And then nestled in between that and Valentine's Day, we have Christmas and its just a winter-holiday-solistice thingy and it helps a lot with my seasonal effective disorder and its so pretty and smells sooooooo nice. really... please?????" What's the big fucking deal?
OMG.
"WE ARE JEWISH AND WE DON'T HAVE CHRISTMAS TREES IN OUR HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have never seen Sam so angry and then I realized that he really meant it-- because he had now become super quiet which means that the argument is over. For whatever his reasons were... WE, the-I-don't-give-a-rat's-ass-about-Judaism, family would never ever have a "Christmas Tree" in our home. never. end of story. No wreath, no pine, no lights. Don't ever mention it again. (except at cocktail parties that we rarely go to anyway) ;)
One thing I realized a long time ago, is that Sam grew up in Africa. Did I ever tell you? That's right. A nice Jewish boy from Africa---(I love to tell people who haven't met my children that my husband is from Africa and watch the wheels in their head turning rapidly as they try to decipher if I am married to a black man.)
holy crap!!!
That just cannot be... and so, very sweetly, I tried again...
"Sam...It's like this... first we have Halloween... You know pumpkins, candy, cobwebs? And then we have Thanksgiving... Turkeys and stuffing and pumpkin pie and intense gas for days? And then nestled in between that and Valentine's Day, we have Christmas and its just a winter-holiday-solistice thingy and it helps a lot with my seasonal effective disorder and its so pretty and smells sooooooo nice. really... please?????" What's the big fucking deal?
OMG.
"WE ARE JEWISH AND WE DON'T HAVE CHRISTMAS TREES IN OUR HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have never seen Sam so angry and then I realized that he really meant it-- because he had now become super quiet which means that the argument is over. For whatever his reasons were... WE, the-I-don't-give-a-rat's-ass-about-Judaism, family would never ever have a "Christmas Tree" in our home. never. end of story. No wreath, no pine, no lights. Don't ever mention it again. (except at cocktail parties that we rarely go to anyway) ;)
One thing I realized a long time ago, is that Sam grew up in Africa. Did I ever tell you? That's right. A nice Jewish boy from Africa---(I love to tell people who haven't met my children that my husband is from Africa and watch the wheels in their head turning rapidly as they try to decipher if I am married to a black man.)
This is SOUTHERN AFRICA, and that part of the world is a warm, arid country and they don't HAVE PINE trees there either.
And it NEVER EVER SNOWS.
No one has central heating, even. And its friggin' HOT in December because it is in the southern hemisphere. So for Sam, Christmas-time meant---summer-time and bright sunny, HOT weather and going to visit relatives in Cape Town and going to the BEACH!!!
(And my guess is that even the Christians in that part of the world, just don't decorate in the same way that we do here, in these frigid, dark, depressing northern parts. We NEED lights, and colors, warmth and some fucking good cheer, even if its fake!)
So, in actuality it was in fact, an over-all cultural difference between continents, not just the Jewish aspect.
***
Now, my sister, MISTLETOE--- who is now in her mid-60s and lives in Wisconsin, alone-- with her two dogs and one cat, now celebrates Christmas 365.25 days a year.
***
Now, my sister, MISTLETOE--- who is now in her mid-60s and lives in Wisconsin, alone-- with her two dogs and one cat, now celebrates Christmas 365.25 days a year.
Yes, indeed.
She has always had a tree, pretty much ever since she and I had one, but one year, maybe about 7 or 8 years ago... she put up her tree (a fake one) and decorated it to the hilt, with hundreds of ornaments (some of them, actually a bit valuable) that she has been collecting (along with a lot of other crap for most of her life) and it took her days and days to complete the task, and she liked it so much, and couldn't bear the thought of taking it all down---- and so she never did! That's right, she has a SEVEN foot Christmas tree PERMANENTLY installed in her living room. how grand.
Now... in addition to this tree, she has in her possession---and also permanently installed at least FIVE other Christmas trees which are actually Antique German feather trees which are much smaller. (she got them on Ebay for about $500 a pop--- ) The mantel is like a ferry tale story book scene with elves and miniature trees, etc. Her living room is really more of an art form than any kind of religious iconography; an eternal ode-- mini-museum--- to that sacred day that most Christians celebrate for only about a month in December.
It shouldn't really come as a surprise though; I mean, what else would you expect from a Hungarian Jewish Girl, born in August, named Mistletoe?
Oh, I so wish I could use her real name. ;)
Lexie!!! I've missed reading you! I guess you didn't catch the update on my blog. I fell, had a fracture of my right elbow, got operated and am typing to you with my left hand; the right arm sitting cushy and tight in a cast.
ReplyDeleteMistletoe's tree sounds cool! Please tell me Sam agreed to a tree after all these years NOW! No?? :(
I know it is weeks later, but I'm feeling commenty, dammit! I wanted you to know that after reading this post I put up not one, not two, but three Christmas trees! The littlest one I decorated with you in mind. (No, I am not crazy. Well, ok, just a little but not in a dangerous way.)
ReplyDelete"Your" tree is decorated mostly in blue and silver, with seashells and starfish and nautical things and mermaids, yes mermaids. I collected a lot of these decorations when I lived on a tiny tropical island and I always had a tree every Christmas, so don't let Sam flim-flam you. He is just a Grinch of the first order. Even my Jewish friends on the island had a tree.
Interestingly enough, I don't think Christ did, however.
If I find my camera, I will take a pic and email it to you. We are still in mid-Christmas up here, and will be til the 6th (Feast of the Epiphany) so nothing comes down until after that.
-visi