The next time I hear someone say something like this, about their special needs kid I'm gonna puke my guts out.
"oh, he's different but I wouldn't have it any other way; he gives me more joy and love than I could have ever possibly imagined"
Really lady??? Is that so??? And what pray tell are you ON??? cause I WANT some of that mind altering shit you are taking, so that I too can believe that my fucked up kid is normal!!! okay?
I know... You're not supposed to call your kids "fucked up." Even if they ARE fucked up. I remember once, when he was three, bemoaning to a jappy, but gentile neighbor that he was merely "slow" (but cute as all shit) (You have to remember that I live in the heart of the whiny/entitled/over-privileged/tony/ruburban/ bucolic/ivy league prep/"bedroom"/commuters r us area outside of NYC.)
and then, she looked at me, in abject HORROR--- her eyes bugging out of her perfectly un maked upped face--- I thought she was going to pass out!
"OH DON'T SAY THAT!!!!!!!!! (you horrible, horrible mother, you!!!)"
But, he IZsz slow-w-w, I stammered back, meekly. (not knowing WHY, at the time, except that just possibly I was a horrible mother)
And now he's just a nightmare---
and slow.
Oh, did I lose you at CSE??? you are desperately searching your google search engine box trying to figure out what the hell that acronym stands for??? Sorry, my Aquarius faster-than-lightening-speed-brain, is sometimes hard to follow and I apologize for that.
That would be: Committed to Substandard Education
(I am not going to explain that any further at this time. For anyone who has a special needs kid and has to deal with the fekked up bureaucracy of the public school system in theeesss countrrrreeee, you will know exactly what I mean and if not, then God has blessed you.)
"But, Lexie--- don't you love your child unconditionally??? (oh do I absolutely HATE that word--- especially when it comes after "love your child"!) I mean, after all, you were pregnant with him for ten and a half months(yes... longest pregnancy on record) and then you nursed him for 13 months and only stopped because you had a business convention to attend."
"Didn't you bond with him? (you horrible hateful mother)"
Yes, of course I bOnded with him and of course I LOve him but I can't stand LIVING with him and most of the stuff that he DOES--- is absolutely the most God-awful hateful nasty, nasty shit.
And that makes him awfully difficult to love. It just does. Call me what you will--- Its just the way it is.
But, Dear God, I've gotten the joke now. I've learned whatever lesson you wanted to teach me. Surely, by now I"ve earned an advanced PHD degree in something or other?, so Please, please, PLEASE give me back my NORMAL child that I thought you had given me when he was born!!!
Average is fine, even a bit slow is okay. I just want normal.
nice and normal.
I shouldn't laugh, but I am. I get crap all the time for giving my kids a hard time. I know it's not the same, but it made me think of them. Whenever I talk to one of my kids' teachers I ask them if they're being a pain like they are at home, or say, "Sorry she's not too bright." I'm kidding a lot of the time, but your post made me think of that. I've often wondered if I could get to a point where my kids would drive me to the point of wanting to drop them off a bridge. It sounds like teenage years might be the ticket.
ReplyDeletemy son has special needs, low vision mostly, but he is behind on some other stuff. cant necessarily tell if it is because he is my one and only and i do too much for him or if it is because he cant do it himself. since im wondering, probably the first.
ReplyDeleteanyway, life with a kiddo who needs extra anything is just extra hard, regardless of how much we love the kid.
Hi Kelly,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your son. I doubt that his vision/learning issues have anything to do with being an only child.
Like anything else, its impossible to understand what its like unless you're living it.
Ha! Lexie, I'm probably one of those moms who would say I wouldn't change my child. (Well, I'd change his eating, because I'd like to not live in constant fear that he will starve to death.) But I think that's because in a lot of ways, he's a mini-me, just waaaaay more extreme. So I get where he's coming from, and when I don't, I learn some cool new way of looking at things.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think I might be still on that love hormone. Oxytocin. Because I was also pretty convinced he was the most beautiful thing ever when he was a shrieking little purplish-grey space alien monkey when he was born. ;)
But I mostly tend to get pissed at the world and want it to change. You live with a special needs kid and boy, you get sick of hearing people whine about how their kid is going to have to wait until next year to take the class he wanted at his fancy Ivy League school that seems so meaningless compared to your own kids struggles.
Big hugs.