a path to healing blog

I don't read a lot of blogs. I read a handful of "sex addiction" blogs and another handful of interior design blogs. Sometimes, i'll start what looks to be a promising blog and the writer just as quickly abandons it. Blogging has been absolutely a wonderful outlet. I probably actually spend double the amount of time writing on other blogs as I do my own.

Here is one blog that I read and enjoy a lot and my comment-- tonight.  A Path to Healing...

Sometimes, I know... I go a bit on and on... on other people's blogs, here is one such example, but I felt it worthy to publish on my own.

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I liked your comments, Darkangel. It occurred to me, that in both cases, in your last paragraph, that both of those men are rigid and incapable of change. And I'm with you. no thank you!

I believed with all my heart that I was marrying this "enlightened," "evolved," exceptionally kind, loving, generous, open, funny, caring man who had a good career and was upwardly mobile.

One year into our marriage, I realized that he wasn't so upwardly mobile, after all, but that was okay. I loved him so, and weeks later, we started our family. Over the years and now with two children, I realized that he had no ambition at all, or desire to do anything other than what he was doing, even when offered a promotion. Then, boom... 2002... his career in mainframe programming dried up completely and he was out of work for 2.5 years. (he WAS, however fantastic as my "wife" while I supported the family with my design biz). Then he got a shit job and got fired after 5 months, and then after 7 months of no work, another shit job and got fired after 20 months and then after 4 months out of work, a third shit job, but he's been there 4 years ago and likes it and they like him. (cause he's willing to work for cheap!) It still pays less than half of what he was earning as a programmer.

So, I didn't even have that he was a great provider to use as an excuse for staying. My excuse for staying was a lack of funds and our retarded children. Yeah... I know... not supposed to say that. But they ARE retarded, but that doesn't mean that I don't love my two boys insanely! They ARE doing a lot better now-- thank God. I think that was when I was really ready to face the truth of what was going on with my husband's vast network of hard drives, private passwords, all locked up... and then over a period of months, the house of cards, toppled over.

One of the worst aspects was the realization that instead of figuring out how to support his wife and sons, he was spending the wee hours prowling around for some desperate lonely woman while his exhausted wife lay sleeping away, oblivious to what was going on... right outside the bedroom. and then waiting in lay, until she was finally outta the house and so were the kids--- to turn on his ol' web cam, for a bit of fun. After all, he deserved it! :(  (as I read in an email he wrote to an ex f**k buddy that he confided in and shared his secret other life with.)

yes... hideous.

I have seen lots and lots of women in the kind of denial you spoke of. Some of these guys are so sly--- that they can "play the part" of the "doting", "romantic", wonderful husband and then turn around and book an encounter with whatever his preference of the moment is.

Lots of women have sold their souls... and yes, its sad... but I am the last person to judge why they would want to do this. Denial is a powerful tool.

I think it boils down to fear... just so, so much fear. Fear of being judged.  Fear of abandonment. Fear of loss of family and friends, income, lifestyle, and then people misunderstanding. (and oh boy!!! do they!!!)

You know that old hackneyed axiom--- "it takes two?"

nope. not in this case it doesn't. All it takes is one self-loathing, depressed, selfish ass,  to wreck a marriage. A marriage that if he had put even half as much energy into what he did f**king around on her, he and his wife most likely would've had an amazing marriage!

Tonight, he called me up... I was so busy today... and he was wondering why he hadn't heard from me??? wanted to know if I was okay?



yeah...I sure am.  I'm moving on--- slowly, yes... but at least I'm moving...