That's what it said on a piece of equipment in the procedure room where I had the colposcopy and yes, its uncomfortable and yes, dr. daughter had to remove some tissue from my cervix to see if the cells are abnormal...which sucks balls more than I can possibly say and yes, I saw the nurse who was MY nurse all during my pregnancy and when I was giving birth to Adam... and yes, I'm sure that she looked at my chart to see why I was there, because when I was chatting to her as I was leaving... the look in her eyes said... STUPID SLUT.
okay, it might've been my imagination, but I don't think so.
if only i WAS a stupid slut, (or even a smart slut) then the 5 strains of dangerous HPV that i have would be warranted. right?
guess, i got what I deserve.
I can't even fully enjoy that Adam's about to get promoted again to the next to the highest phase at ourlasthopeinhell. I'm so proud of him, I can't stand it and tomorrow he's going to be singing at a hockey game and even though I don't give a rat's ass about hockey... I'm goin'!
I have to go and start his chocolate cake.
I don't even care about sex all that much. I just wanted someone to love me and all I ended up with is sickness and misery. and I still long to reach out to him... how fucked up is that?
i hate myself.
When the nurse from when you had Adam looked at you as if to say, "stupid slut.", I'll bet you were pissed she called you stupid!
ReplyDeleteMen? I've had a 'few' and as they say.....the more I know men, the more I love my dog.
Lexie, NOBODY gets to judge you. Even God doesn't judge. I'm going to need a giant pizza now or I'm going to cry. Ah. I think I'll cry. It'll make me drink more water and I'll lose some more weight.
ReplyDeleteWill you please eat some chocolate cake for me? Also, here's the thing. Remember. SOMEONE in the ENTIRE world had to live the life you're living. And guess what? NOBODY had the guts. It is ONLY YOU who has the courage to be you and to be honest about it.
Lexie, we are going to meet and be friends if I am ever in your vicinity, okay?
Big hug to you.
Aw, Lexie! No need to hate yourself! You're human and you have needs and all you were trying to do was meet them. I don't fault you at all for that. Cut yourself a break.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Adam! It sounds like he's really kicking ass and taking names at Ourlasthopeinhell.
Wishing you well,
NOS
Hugs to you, lady—I loved reading your ballet backstory posts, and I hope you can hang onto the fact that your betrayal by Predator doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Love and light—
ReplyDelete